Giving feedback can really reflect the type of person you are. Over the years, I have seen people be very mean online, and others be genuinely helpful. If I were to do business with either, I would pick the genuine one.
There are many places online where feedback can and is given. These places include social media sites like FaceBook, blog comment areas, and networks such as Ning.
There are risks and benefits of leaving feedback.
The benefits are that you get to help someone and if they need a service or product they will trust to go to you for it because you built a good relationship with them. The risks can be you give feedback the wrong way and you not only destroyed the relationship with that person but also anyone else who happened to listen in.
Reasons for leaving feedback.
What is the purpose for you leaving someone feedback on their blog, forum or message? This feedback can be for the writer who started the forum of the discussion or another commentator.
Here are some reasons that people have left feedback:
1. The commentator wants to help the writer improve their skills. (good)
2. The writer asked for feedback. (good)
3. The commentator notices a mistake and wants to help fix it. (good)
4. The commentator wants to show how smart they are to the other readers on the forum. (bad)
5. The commentator is agitated by the mistake the writer made and is compelled to say something about it. (bad)
There may be more reasons. This is all I can think of now. If you can think of more, feel free to add them to the comments. I would like to hear them.
Some of the reasons I gave are self-serving and the others are helpful. When thinking about giving feedback, ask yourself if you are being self-serving or are you really being helpful. What will the person receiving the feedback get out of it?
The Wrong Way to Leave Feedback
Example 1:
Someone sends a message to you, and he or she included several others in the same email so that everyone’s email address is exposed. You write back to the person and the entire list,
“Take me off of your email contact list and next time use the bcc!”
Reasoning:
We were all newbies at one time. You can’t expect someone new at Internet marketing to know everything, even if you think it is common sense. Not everything really is common sense to everyone. That person may not even know what Bcc is or even an opt-in.
Correct Way:
Respond only to the person who sent the email. They are new at this and don’t need to be made embarrassed about their mistake. At least they are out there trying. Respond with,
“You may be new at Internet marketing and perhaps email, congrats for trying a new thing. I just wanted to let you know, it is against the law to send a mass email to someone who has not requested it. In addition, it is dangerous and improper to expose someone’s email address to others they gave no permission to see because they can use those emails to spam.
There is a lot of research online about email marketing and there are bulk email services that can help follow the laws. Here are some resources to get you started.”
Now, in that response, I really helped them. I didn’t react angrily, or rude in a way that doesn’t help that person. I provided them with information that can help. So, when they are ready find a coach to help them with their business ventures, who will they ask? Don’t forget to leave your business information.
Example 2:
You are in a forum or blog comment area where you can’t send a private message. The person gives advice to the readers on using something in email messages to gain a higher open rate. You respond with,
“You shouldn’t be giving that kind of advice. That tactic is spammy and only used by unscrupulous marketers.”
Reasoning:
At least the person is trying to learn. Give them credit for trying things. They may not look at it the way you do, and here is a great opportunity to help them see it differently. Giving feedback like this example doesn’t help the person out at all.
Correct Way:
“That tactic does raise the open rate of your emails and we should continue to strive to test different ways to improve our marketing. However, when I receive an email with that tactic, I feel like I have been tricked. Tricking someone to open an email can make him or her lose trust. If they trusted someone to opt-in to the list, then one should uphold that trust and continue to grow that trust and not do anything that may harm it. We should keep sending them valuable content and they will open more of our emails. Here is some information on how to increase the open rate of a list.”
How to Leave Feedback the Right Way
Here are some tips to follow when leaving feedback:
1. Applaud the person for what they did right.
2. Be sensitive to the other person’s feelings and don’t say something in a way that may seem offensive. Put yourself in their shoes and in their situation. Also, remember not everyone is going to feel the way you do.
3. Don’t joke about their mistake. Unless you already have a strong relationship with the person that involves joking back and forth, telling someone they did something wrong and then laughing at them about it just isn’t right. Don’t expect a nice response back from them or any at all.
4. Tell them what they did wrong and how it can hurt them, but don’t say it like “YOU DID”. Say it more like, “I FEEL” or use third person. Don’t make them feel like you are attacking them. Remember that they are already putting themselves out there and are already feeling vulnerable. Take it easy on them.
5. Show that you really care about helping them by offering them a solution and telling them how it can benefit them.
6. If you give feedback, be prepared to receive it as well. We all make mistakes. Perhaps you didn’t follow my above tips and gave feedback the wrong way, you gave bad feedback without knowing it, or you didn’t fully understand the situation before giving the feedback. Be prepared to receive feedback in return and if they don’t follow the above tips put yourself in their situation. Use the opportunity to learn about something new, or how people may respond to how you present yourself. Next, time you will get better.
7. If the person responds negatively, it is best to end the conversation there and not respond.
8. If you are the one receiving the feedback the wrong way, don’t respond. On the other hand, maybe you can respond with, “Thank you for your helpful and constructive feedback” and say no more!
What tips do you have to share about giving and receiving feedback?
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Brava! Thanks for that great post. Commenting etiquette is so important and it’s important to remember that rude behavior can and will come back to haunt you. Courtesy is paramount and feedback is really only useful if it’s constructive.
Thanks!
Monick
Thank you Monick, Definitely, what goes around comes around.
Thank you for giving such an important and descriptive blog about giving feedback. So many of us have probably, at one time or another, either given feedback or received it. So much easier to receive and learn from it if the person writes it in a respectful and non-accusatory way. More people need to read this post and learn from it.
Warmly,
Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..Intentional Love
Thank you. I hope to spread the word about being respectful of other’s feelings online.
Great and very informative post Emily;
You’ve done an excellent job in pointing out the right and wrong ways to provide feedback. I agree with you in how important this topic can be for you online. I’m reminded of what my Pastor says; and I believe it’s something that will make you think.
He says; “God gave us two ears and one mouth, so be sure to listen twice as much as you speak.”
I think that speaks volumes and should be thought of as we leave someone feedback.
Thanks again Emily for sharing such valuable information my friend.
Great tips on a subject that doesn’t often receive attention. A big part of what we learn in Toastmasters is doing evaluations. We evaluate speeches and also leadership roles. The basics of the evaluation are to first give a positive point, then a growth point, followed by another positive point. The constructive criticism is then ‘sandwiched’ between two positives. A skilled evaluator can turn the constructive criticism into a positive experience for the person being evaluated.
I enjoyed your perspective on giving feedback. Well done!!
Wendy
Wendy Hewlett recently posted..Getting Started in Network Marketing – Module 1
What really stood out for me in your post is this … “put yourself in their situation”. Empathy is a powerful thing!
Wendy Hewlett recently posted..Getting Started in Network Marketing – Module 1
Wonderful and practical advice about being social online. (an offline for that matter)
I guess it all boils down to showing kindness and living a life of integrity. After all you can gather more bees with honey than you can with vinegar!
Have a great day!
Lynn Jones
Lynn Jones recently posted..Who Are You to Think Small
Wonderful practice..i like your post, it helps to improve our social values ..!
Thanks !
Prakash
Thanks for sharing great tips in posting feedback Emily. To give good feedback,the first and foremost thing to always keep in mind is honesty.
I usually use the feedback sandwich… tell the person a positive thing I like about what they do. Then explain the main point I want to get across to them, and leave with a positive.
Some people say to me that it doesn’t work very well like this because the person just remembers the good point at the end… may be true but depends on how you do it.
Thanks for the post,
Gavin
Emily, this is an excellent article on giving feedback. Your number four under right way to give feed back is very powerful. You focus on behavior, not the person and the entire tip shows empathy.
Perry A Davis Jr
Music City USA
Perry A Davis Jr recently posted..What is the real reason people quit network marketing
Hi Emily. This is the first time I have been to your site, and it is wonderful. This is a really good post – so much helpful information and examples. I will bookmark it and visit it again.
Wishing you a song in your heart,
Miss Leslie @ Music with Miss Leslie.com
Miss Leslie recently posted..The House That Built Me
Great post Emily, I haven’t found anywhere that brings up these great tips for providing feedback. There are still some who enjoy making others look bad so they can look like “what they think” is a leader.
I have always had a hard time finding information oh how to tell them what they did wrong without attacking them so I was glad to see you talk about it. I’ve kind started talking in the third person but now I know It’s the best thing to do. Thank you for that.
Rick Salas recently posted..How To Generate Sales For your Network Marketing Products
Hi Emily,
I think your post hits on an important topic, the way that feedback is given can indeed destroy relationships.
Personally, I don’t give advice or feedback unless I’m asked for it or unless what I have to say will seriously benefit the person in question. What is the point of saying anything to anyone if it isn’t going to be positive for them?
Thank you for your post, a little more thought in to feedback goes a long way!
Kind regards,
Emma
Emma recently posted..The Rescue Mission
Hi Emily,
Very well said and very informativ!e indeed
Personally, I will leave a comment that won’t hurt others but humble myself more. I find it is always okay to let people feel good so long as we are sincere.
At many times, we can turn negative feeback around if we received any of those kind.
Thank you very much for sharing such a valuable post here
Cheers
Pearly
PearlyQuah recently posted..Health Application of Scalar Energy
Great post, Emily! I think that we really need to focus a lot more on using basic etiquette principles online. You are on the money when you say that it’s a good idea to tell people things in private when you are correcting (unless the purpose of the forum is a debate, of course), because you don’t want to embarrass someone in front of his/her readers and damage anyone’s credibility when they are making an honest effort.
Emily, you bring to light some very important yet basic points about communicating online. It’s amazing how tact-less so many people are online – how so many people do not even THINK before responding to a message or post. A great book on the topic that expands upon your great suggestions in this post is a book from Dale Carnegie called “How to win friends and influence people.” Great book about how to communicate to win people to your side. Again very common sense stuff, but most people don’t even think about it! Great post Emily!
Hans Schoff recently posted..Creating Wealth 102 – The Other Golden Rule
Thanks for your useful tips because I also ussually leave feedback for our business parter and I will apply those in that feedback
van025 recently posted..if i travel with my kids and they are both under the age of 5 how much am i looking at to book a flight for us
Good post. This is a very nice blog that I will definitively come back to more times this year! Thanks for informative post. I am sure this post has helped me save many hours of browsing other similar posts just to find what I was looking for. I just want to say: Thank you!
braintory recently posted..DHS Pro Table Tennis Combo- Hurricane H-TP TG 2&3-NEW
Less talk, less mistake, I might say..But to prove a point you need to stand up and say what you want to say. But you must always carefully construct your feedback and make sure it is not too offensive to the other person. Always do the best approach “Good comment, Bad Comment then good comment again”
liza Marie recently posted..angry birds
You’ve done an excellent job in pointing out the right and wrong ways to provide feedback. I agree with you in how important this topic can be for you online. I’m reminded of what my Pastor says; and I believe it’s something that will make you think.
Kristen Marie recently posted..Forex
I like it very much this is a very nice blog that I will definitively come back to more times this year! Thanks for informative post. Keep up good work.
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